don’t be too fat, don’t be too thin, don’t eat so much, clean yourself up, you look like you have let yourself go, be ladylike. Be a lady she said.

I stand up on my tiptoes taking a glimpse of rugged hair staring back at me. My wonky fringe hovers above my eyebrows, my scruffy brown hair sticks up off my head looking like it’s just coming out of a battle with my pillow. Put a headband on and she said you might look a bit more ladylike. I drag my feet down the stairs and grab my shoes  slipping them onto my feet and tieing the everlasting laces I pick myself up and starting walking out the door, “lift you feet up stop scuffing your shoes be more ladylike” she said.

Born into a family of all girls you would think my childhood would consist of pink clothes, barbies, dress ups and endless games of happy families but I guess this is where I was different. My spare time consisted of surfing, climbing trees, swimming, making mud pies on the mudflats in front of our house and playing pirates for endless hours with the boys from around the neighbourhood. I guess you could say this wasn’t the stereotypical 7yr old girls childhood.

I walk through the school gates, my baggy shorts hanging down past my knees and backpack in hand. I felt an invisible, no one’s opinions, or thoughts could ever affect me, I was myself and I was proud of that. My only worries consisted of the lunch mum packed and whether or not we would get to our normal lunch spot first without anyone stealing it. As I stepped into the classroom I instantly felt imprisoned, I started to think of how many better things I could be doing right now, but took a seat, stared out the window, and started the countdown distracted by the outside world.

After what felt like forever break time swang around I headed for the field where the traditional break games of bull rush take place. I threw my bag to the ground and joined in blending in to the male dominance without a second thought. Push and pulled, the game was rough, but I didn’t care, it didn’t really bother me. Until i got the remark we’re not gonna go for you, your a girl we don’t want to hurt you be a bit more ladylike, i shrugged it off trying to not think to much it, so i just kept playing but the words “be a but more ladylike” played on repeat in my head. Saved by the bell I gathered by things and made my way back to class. 

As I stared at the clock on the wall with every tick was a tick closer to home time, the constant repetition of the teacher’s voice bored me as I sat there head in hands smeared across the desk, just holding out for the bell that would send me on my way. Sit up straight, her sharp voice making me jump, be a bit more ladylike.Like clockwork, I escape the classroom as soon as the home bell rings. I rushed  for dad’s car waiting outside, strapped onto the roof racks were 2 surfboards stacked like gold blocks, well that’s what they looked like in my eyes. I jumped into the front seat greeted with a great grin on dads face, I was stoked, I had been looking forward to this all day.

Windows down and the music blasting we pull into the carpark swarmed with people with the same idea, we unload the boards and squeeze into our wetsuits making our way over the sand dunes, finding myself laying eyes on some of the best sets I have ever seen. I peer down the beach and like soldiers everyone’s lined up, eyeing up the sets coming in. I sit down, and start waxing my board, I hear the chatter of the conditions behind me the utterance of “this is as best as its been all day” and “i haven’t seen it this good in a long time” behind me, amping me even more to get out there. 

I strap on my leg rope, and start to make my way until i hear a “wait, wait” behind me i turn around to see a tall slender man, he starts talking to me but i can hardly hear his voice over the crashing waves, i eventually make out the words “you can’t possibly be going out there, not for a little size girl like you”, I started at him for a split second taken back by his comment, eventually the words yes why not stumbled out of my mouth like they had been prepared before. I turn around and got on my way, I looked beside me to see a boy i recnoised from school. He looked about my age so I gave a wave. It suddenly occurred to me that no one was questioning him which was ironic because he was my exact age and my exact size yet the only difference that separates us was that fact he was a boy. 

I keeped on submerging myself into waves, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was disobeying someone, breaking the rules. It felt all wrong. I stopped and as i was about to turn around i hear the voice of come on what you waiting for, i look behind me to see Dads big grin on his face, the grin that reassured me that i am right where i am suppose to be. The grin that showed me i needed need to be more ladylike, or a boy to be surfing these waves, it was this grin that showed me i was fine just the way i am.